ALPHA LANparty
ALPHA => FunStuff => Thema gestartet von: Hadez am 12.11.05, 14:12
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ein traum:
Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the director said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris,"
and roundhouse kicked him in the face.
If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "BOOYA".
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest substance. But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the face so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned into artificial Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby out of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.
God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for super strength roundhouse ability.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of the face.
Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct species list.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake before they could tell him there was a stripper in it
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in Total Recall.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win?
Chuck Norris
Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out transformed into a robot.
In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out of jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4 card from the game Uno.
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris invented water.
Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to a vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, he simply changes the actual spelling of it.
Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens and roundhouse kick them.
In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks
Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I am a club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all because someone spilt his beer.
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Ich schmeiß mir wech... ==)
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Mein Name ist Jens vorab schonmal:
Jens hat keine Angst vor der Bühne, die Bühne hat Angst vor Jens .
Chuck Norris hat Angst. Vor Jens .
70% des menschlichen Gewichts besteht aus Wasser. 70% von Jens Gewichts besteht aus seinem Penis.
Die Bibel hieß ursprünglich "Jens und seine Freunde".
Am Anfang gab es nichts. Dann rappte Jens Doubletime und sagte zu dem Nichts "Such dir nen Job, Kid!". Das ist die Geschichte des Universums.
Jens liest keine Bücher. Er starrt die Bücher solange an bis er die Informationen bekommt, die er braucht.
Jens gab Mona Lisa ihr Lachen.
Wenn der Boogeyman jede Nacht schlafen geht schaut in in den Schrank, ob nicht Jens drin sitzt.
Jens bekam die Erlaubnis über den Fight Club zu sprechen.
BigFoot ist auf der Suche nach der Legende Jens .
Jens hat die Sonne in einem Anstarr-Wettbewerb besiegt.
Ein Unbekannter filmte, wie Jens durchdrehte. Er nennte das Band "Texas Chainsaw Massaker".
Jens ist der Einzige Mensch der es schaffte, eine Wand im Tennis zu besiegen.
Jens gewinnt das Spiel "Connect Four" in 3 Zügen.
Sein oder nicht sein, das ist die Frage. Die Antwort ist V.
Ozzy Osbourne beißt Fledermäusen den Kopf ab. Jens beißt sibirischen Tigern den Kopf ab.
Jens machte seinen Autoführerschein mit 18. Stunden.
Alle lieben Raymond. Außer Jens .
Jens klagt momentan MySpace an weil er den Namen, den er für jeden beliebigen Platz der Erde benutzt, zurückhaben möchte.
Viele Leute gehen an Karneval als Gott. Gott geht als Jens .
Jens bowlt keinen Strike. Die Kegel legen sich aus Furcht hin.
Jens kann durch null dividieren.
Können Sie sich an den Ultimate Warrior erinnern? Er hörte auf mit dem Wrestling weil Jens seinen Nickname zurückwollte.
Jens spielt nicht Gott. Spielen ist für Kinder.
Jens schreibt keine Autobiografien. Die Wörter setzen sich aus Furcht zusammen.
Jens styled sich seine Haare nie. Sie stehen vor Furcht.
Jens bringt Zwiebeln zum Weinen.
Jens putzt sich mit Barbed-Wire die Zähne.
Jens kann eine 5-Minuten Terrine in 30 Sekunden essfertig zubereiten.
Jens let the dogs out.
Jens starrte dem Grauen ins Gesicht. Das Grauen zog sich aus Furcht zurück.
Die Dinosaurier starben wegen Jensosaurus aus.
Jens spielt BlackJack mit einer Karte.
Als Gott sagte "Lass es Licht werden" sagte Jens "Sag wenigstens bitte".
Lege bei Scrabble Jens und du gewinnst. Für immer.
Jens bestellte einen Big Mac bei Burger King und bekam ihn.
Gut - Besser - Perfekt - Jens
Jens nahm eine ganze Packung Schlaftabletten. Er zwinkerte.
Jens benutzt Baumstämme als Zahnstocher.
Jens kann Blätter öfter als 7-mal falten.
Jens hat die Kokosnuss geklaut.
Jens weiß, was du nächsten Sommer tun wirst.
Nicht die Schweizer habens erfunden, Jens wars.
Jens benutzt morgens Elmex und Abends Aronal.
Die schlimmste Seeschlacht war nicht Skagerrak oder Miwday - Es war Schiffe versenken mit Jens.
Jens kann im Knast ohne Sorge die Seife fallen lassen. Die Menschen gehen ihm am Arsch vorbei.
Es sollte mal eine Sexszene mit Jens gedreht werden. Abbruch - Die Frau kam immer zu früh.
Jens isst kein Honig - Er kaut Bienen.
Jens hat Cheats fürs Real Life.
Wie nennt man den Gechlechtsverkehr zwischen Jens und einer Frau? Gangbang.
Jens kennt Wayne.
Jens macht die Löcher in den Käse.
Jens pisst auf Starkstromleitungen.
Jens surft. Auf Tsunamis
Jens kann Meerjungfrauen zwischen die Beine greifen.
Jens liebt Katzen. Deshalb haben Katzen 7 Leben.
Jens hat Heimvorteil. Überall.
Jens ist kein Mensch, denn Irren ist Menschlich.
Jens hat einen Notendurchschnitt von 0,8
Jens flog alle 3 Flugzeuge am 11. September 2001. Gleichzeitig.
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:mauer: :mauer: :mauer: :mauer: :mauer: :mauer: :mauer:
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:crazy:
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(http://s2.supload.com/files/default/05_chuck_norris_was_here.jpg)
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(http://img44.imagevenue.com/aAfkjfp01fo1i-9571/loc999/02022_ATT1395118_122_999lo.jpg)
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(http://img44.imagevenue.com/aAfkjfp01fo1i-9571/loc999/02022_ATT1395118_122_999lo.jpg)
:...: :...: :...:
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Sorry, jetzt aber.
(http://www.kingwaschbaer.net/TV.jpg)
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Ja wer es glaubt.....